You. Part Two.

The darkness intrigues me because I recognise it as something of mine, in you.
Nobody knows how much it grows inside of me. It comes with full force of strength and fire.
I feel connected to you and I understand you. On this level, we are the same.
When my fire unites with yours it becomes uncontrollable powerful and yet it sucks the air out right out of me.
Still, I walk around myself and find my heart wanting more.
Even more will never be enough and I dream of the day I’ll be satisfied to only own the memory of you.

Woman.

A woman born with fire inside is in constant growth and always stretching for that fire to be satisfied. The fire can get fuel from both negative and positive feelings so it can be a struggle doing the right thing when in need.

A woman born free of responsibility grows up taking it anyway. Freedom is far away, up in the dreams. The only way of surviving she has to be destructive and fight inside herself. Fighting to be good enough and also being able to be free.

A woman will always carry her inner child to the extent of needing to be taking care of, to be hold hard and safe. The child will yearn for love and the woman will fight for it, yet not be able to give it to herself.

In the constant fight of being the best woman, I find it hard to survive and I understand my mother. Because peace comes from putting down the swords and accepting our hearts.
To conquer we must understand and with that we open up to love.

Projects.

First of all I have to apologise for my absence here on this blog. To say life has been busy is an understatement. I have so many projects going on that I’m not sure if I even dare to think about them. But here it is:

1) Redecorating the house. Builders are done but my furniture for the whole house (almost) has not arrived. It will be coming in two shipments from a warehouse in New York. I have been working with a great designer, Christine Dovey from Bijou and Boheme. It’s been a life changing experience. I’ll share a before and after photos once everything is settled. 

2) Coaching classes. I just finished NLP Practitioner and headed for the master now this april. Learning and going through this class has been more therapy for me then the two years I had with my shrink. I tell you, it’s very efficient. I know so much more about myself and how to handle emotions, let’s not forget how to accept my feelings. It’s a very empowering feeling.   

3) Medium school. Learning to control my gift that is called so many things such as medium, psychic, 6th sense. I love learning all about it and I’m doing really well. I have applied for a job as a medium and fingers crossed that I will get it! 

4) Second book. The Ring Power, a follow up for Behind My Face, is all done and has only minor changes to the cover before it will go live. I’m so overwhelmingly happy that it will be marketed in Readers Digest, FULL PAGE! 

So, as you see, my life is a bit too much lately but I can’t complain. I wanted to share with you the almost finished cover for my new book. My illustrator and dear friend Eleni from http://www.fallintolondon.co.uk has helped me. The galaxy is my favourite part that she had to send me so I could frame it in and have it in the living room. 

 

I’ll be back soon :)

 

Love, Kristine 

 

Dreams for next year.

Since this year has been the best one of my life, I was thinking that I should continue what I have done that have made it great in the first place. I have done all things I have always dreamt of doing, following my heart and growing spiritually.

I think about my mediums school, coaching classes and writing The Ring Power. I think about renovations inside and outside. I think of friendships and family. This year has just exploded and I feel that anything is possible now.

For next year I’ll expand my dreams and continue on a road of fulfilment which energise me to my bones.

Here is my inspirations for 2014:

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Sailing will always be a part of me. It brings me to the moment of now and it gives me a connection to my father that heals me.

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Spending days in Los Angeles with my family. I’ll be searching and digging for ways to move there.

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Also, I need to step up my game wardrobe wise. I want to express myself more and own it.

These are just a minor of things. I want to continue reading, writing and enjoying everyday life. I want to be less internet addicted and spend more time outside. I want to improve my overall self.

Love, Kristine

Orchestra of the night.

Time has gone by since I’ve though of you. You are my make believing while I’m wide awake. I think of you as the air, as the magic and as the life in me. I’m driven towards the light and I’m all yours.

I want you to feel my touch and my heaviness that lies within me, carrying you. Being with you made me complete. Being with you gave me life. My dreams are bigger then me because of you. Are you with me to keep me safe, safe from my own harm?

I never meant to follow you into the bright, thought you would tell me to stop. Though I will never stop searching for you in the bright, you are mine in the mind. My heart is blinding me from the reality. The reality hits hard as it seem impossible. You are imaginary, you are past, you are all of me.

If I made a way for us to be forever again, would you have come to me? Would you have saved me from this dream of nonexistent? I am nobody without the story of our life as one.

One day I’ll save myself from this fall and I’ll catch us. Our words will mend and we will forgive as we forget. My hands will fold and as the air that we are in, it will become real. Real for the last seconds that we are together.

As the child, as the lover and as the friend; time will once more be right in front of us.

Love, Kristine

I am my past.

I’m reading this incredible book lately. The journey of souls. It’s a book about heaven and all the things that happens when we end our life here. It’s the first book I read that brought shivers to my spine because it felt right throughout me.

I had a reading lately. I have them once in a while because I see so much myself that I feel good validating what I see and also to talk to someone who is on the same level of spirituality. I have talked with Eva for about 7 years now, who I wrote about in my book. She is my family now and probably the only person in the world who knows me for me. She knows all my secrets, passions and dreams. It’s scary sometimes but also very comfortable.

This time I had a reading from a guy from England. I got him recommended by a dear friend of mine. Since I’m starting medium school in the fall I though it would be a good idea to talk to another medium to learn a different ways of reading people.

To my surprise he was really good. He literally told me about my whole childhood. I always get amazed when I meet a really good medium. My mother told me to follow my passion for music, not necessarily for a living but at least let it be a big part of me. But spirituality would be my life. She said the hardship is now over and done with. My father came to tell me he was sorry for leaving me but vowed to always be here. Later he whispered to me that we have eternity together. That means that we are in the same soul group.

I also had a past life reading because I see so much in my meditation that I craved help to puzzle out my images. But before I tell you about that I will tell a little story about my last trip to Paris. My husband and I had a long weekend to ourself last year to France. It felt wonderful to be back. I hadn’t been there since I was way younger with my grandmother. The opportunity to go to Moulin Rough with my grandmother was limited so I went with my husband last year. As I walk in on the red carpet, I looked around at the beautiful decor of gold, velvet chairs and vintage posters. I knew I had been at this place before. My husband pulled out my chair for me and I sat down as the waiter came to pour champagne into my tall glass. I was excited. I was more then excited, I felt at home. Like one of those moment when you know you are at the right place at the right time. Then the curtains swept away from the stage and the girls entered the stage. Skinny girls, model girls. Nothing womanly about them. No voluptuous paris babes. The show was so different then what I “remembered”. I was so disappointed. Then out of nowhere I hear a voice say “Well, it’s not the same since last time you where here.”

So during my past life reading I was told that I was Pierre Outin. Who was a french painter and lived his life in Paris. He ran after women and never settled down. Loved his wine and freedom. Spent nights going to Moulin Rough and going on with his undisciplined lifestyle.

Because of his way of living, I choose a very disciplined life in this lifetime. Where I would have to work hard to get what I want. To balance out my karma.

Through meditation I see him in me. I learn from him and I hear his stories that are mine.

It makes my life so much more meaningful and I have a whole new respect for it. I wouldn’t throw any chance away to make it great. Life is supposed to be just that, great. As a big bonus I found his/my art on ebay and its now on its way to me. So I can enjoy it again. Funny how I recognised the painting, thought in this lifetime I have never seen it.

Ah, how I love a full circle moment.

 

Love, Kristine

Celebration

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write here or anywhere for that matter but today I want to take time to celebrate all the good things that is going on lately.

I believe in balance, in all things. After a storm it’s always very calm and still. I have lost almost my entire family but after the loses I have gained new, special people in my life. That somehow has become like my family again. The love that is coming my way is more then I have ever experienced before. For the first time in my life I have so many people who love me as much as I love them. Who understands me as I do them. I hardly feel alone anymore and I used to feel alone all the time, didn’t matter how many people were around me. But the lack of love and understanding will never make you happy no matter how many people you have in your life.

So today I am celebrating all the wonderful people I have met lately. I’m also celebrating that all my goals for this year are already achieved. I’m celebrating renovation inside and outside of my life. I’m celebrating that I get to start Medium school in September and start my Coaching classes in October. I’m celebrating that my high school dream to go to Havana, Cuba will come true in December.

After years of pain and grief, my life is now balancing out. I will never settle for good when I know I deserve greatness. I wish everyone could feel that about themselves.

I will now dedicate each year for my dreams and I will make them come true step by step. And along the way, I will celebrate for what I already got.

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Love, Kristine

The green water

I woke up and my headache was growing. My night had met me with another nightmare. I was swimming in water coloured green as summer. My head was struggling to stay over the salty, calm waves. I saw my mother right in front of me. She was crying and her face was her young self. There were two other men with us in the water. It seemed to be a priest and a doctor. My mother said “I can’t keep up anymore.” And she let out all of her air in her lungs. She sank like a rock. She disappeared and the green water was making it impossible to see her. I screamed for her and I panicked. I held my breath to duck under for her but my body just floated like a balloon, though the feeling of drowning was constant. I was so helpless. The men just stayed in the same place, looking down the water. My mothers shadow went under and then away. My screams became reality when I woke up. I could not believe it had happened for real. She had sank down and lost her breath while I was helpless in my bed.

My tears dried and I went out of bed. My kids were ready for me to get up and I smiled to them. They demanded breakfast and I scrambled eggs and continued the day like I was really meant to be in a wheelchair. Because that’s how paralysed I felt.

My hands were moving, my breath was pulling my chest up. I had sadness pressed into my feet. I was no longer a daughter and my part was now to be a mother. My cravings for a tuck-in have to die. Or else it will be impossible to live. Impossible to live with the need of being a child in an armour of loneliness.

 

Love Kristine

Be Together

I remember a day probably a few years before my father passed, we were just having a good time alone at his house. Watched TV, did the dishes together and joked about anything that came up. I don’t remember exactly what was said or done, but when I go back to that time when it was just us, I remember how it felt like. Out of my awareness I asked what was so important with these days.”It was for you two to just be together,” I heard someone say, clear as day. Somehow it was important to just be us, together. Now, after 10 years I still know how it feels like being together with my father. How his soft energy would make me feel so loved.

This understanding got me thinking about my kids. Not a day is for nothing. No matter how it’s spent, it’s about the feeling this day will give for myself and others around me. I have heard about that people don’t remember you for what you said, they remember you for how they made you feel. I guess this memory was a perfect example of that.

I hope all of you appreciate the time you have with your loved ones because you never know when that time comes to an end, and all it will be is a feeling of how it used to be.

 

Love, Kristine